Archive for the ‘legal papers’ Category

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Funny Lawyer Courtroom Comments

By MSI in Attorney Services, court cases, Infidelity, Interrogation, Investigations, legal papers, process service, service of summons, witness statement at May 9th, 2011 | No comments

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
The words below have not been verified but it is very funny no matter what! Since I have many family members, friends and clients who are lawyers, I can legally pass this humor on without fear of being sued.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death…
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them… The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Private Detectives Retained to Ensure Ethical Behavior

By admin in Crime, Criminal Background Check, Criminal Records, Electronic Fraud, Electronic Theft, fraud, Investigations, legal papers, MSI Detective Services, Police Records, Private Investigator, Safety, Screening, Security, Surveillance Services, Technology, technorati at August 24th, 2010 | No comments

Private InvestigatorTwo former Maricopa County attorneys, Lisa Aubuchon (Deputy County Attorney) and Andrew Thomas (Country Attorney) launched investigations into graft and corruption in the county’s allegedly corrupt government. Their investigation led to charges against County Supervisors, and a County Judge, of racketeering charges. Following their investigations, Thomas was relieved of office and Aubuchon put on administrative leave due to claims that the investigations and charges were unethical. Read the full article »

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Information Breach: The Afghan War Diary

By admin in eavesdropping, Electronic Fraud, Electronic Theft, invasion of privacy, Investigations, legal papers, MSI Detective Services, Privacy, Private Investigator, Safety, Screening, Security at July 29th, 2010 | 1 comment

Courtesy MAD MagazineNever before has so much information been so accessible, especially with the advent of social media networks for which people “trade” personal information for access. The “pay to play” model is not new; before social media, direct mail “clubs” that sold everything from 99-cent  CDs to time-share property made money by selling your information.

Information– from the beginning of civilization to present day–is priceless. As America grew from renegade colonial life to superpower, our government kept a lot of information private and classified, locked away from public scrutiny. This secret information, when made public–or leaked–usually leads to national headlines and/or investigations by oversight/governing committees.

In 1971, a security analyst named Daniel Ellsberg let loose information that changed the country when he sent top-secret files surrounding the US involvement in Vietnam to newspaper.

The 7,000-plus pages, the Pentagon Papers, relate how top military and government officials misled American citizens about the progress of US Troops in the Vietnam War. Despite the efforts of President Nixon to keep the information locked-up, the Pentagon Papers reshaped US perception of the war in Vietnam.

Now, WikiLeaks, an online site that’s self-proclaimed mission is to “protect whistleblowers, journalists and activists who have sensitive materials to communicate to the public,” is releasing over 91,000 documents on the US-led war in Afghanistan against terrorism.

Daniel Elsberg, the source of the Pentagon Papers, stated that this would be the first large-scale, unauthorized disclosure of classified documents since Pentagon papers. This previously classified information, known as the Afghan War Diary, was released on July 25, 2010.

Wikileaks founder, a computer hacker named Julian Asange, and his creation have been criticized in the past for outing confidential sources and sensationalizing information. The site’s leaks have led to the investigation, and criminal arrest, of sources. Not to mention claims by the Obama administration that the information puts US lives in jeopardy.

The leak also damages US credibility in the war on terror with our allies.

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Discovering & Recovering Assets

By admin in Attorney Services, Background Checks, Chicago, Crime, Criminal Background Check, Criminal Records, Illinois, Investigations, legal papers, MSI Detective Services, Private Investigator, Technology, technorati at July 23rd, 2010 | 1 comment

bag of moneyEveryone knows that divorce is expensive.  If you’re a millionaire, it’s a whole other matter. For instance, during the high-profile divorce case between Heather Mills and Paul McCartney, the settlement was $48.6 million!

Unfortunately for the former-Beatle front-man, it wasn’t enough for Mills.

In the aftermath of their 2008 divorce, Mills announced she was hiring asset investigators due to her claim that Sir Paul McCartney is a billionaire, not a multi-millionaire as the British courts declared.

Unhappy with the divorce ruling, Mills told reporters,  ”He’s been worth £ 800 million for the last 15 years.” If successful with her claim, McCartney would have to up the settlement.

Mills case was unsuccessful, and there are numerous accounts in the British tabloids from earlier this year that Mills already spent the near $50 million settlement.

Mills attempt to use investigators to determine wealth is known as Asset Investigation. An Asset Investigation can occur anytime where someone owes money another that usually winds up in court. Unfortunately, without the right kind of evidence, settlements aren’t collected; the real truth is that if  someone doesn’t have the collectible asset, a costly court case doesn’t result in anything but a legal bill. These types of investigations usually occur during one of the following:

  • Company Mergers
  • Property Sales
  • Investments
  • Partnerships
  • Dealer Franchises
  • Insurance/Claims
  • Prospective Marriages
  • Divorce
  • Prospective Clients/Business Associates

Before going to court, it’s best to know the facts. MSI Detective Services offers a complete list of services for all of your investigative needs. Payment practices, financial stability, and undisclosed assets will be provided to you in a detailed written and/or verbal report. Please contact MSI Detective Services to set up a no-charge consultation.

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